She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
