Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
