you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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