You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
