I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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