mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
