why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
