I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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