I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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