"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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