Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
