I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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