i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
