Duck Duck Cougar?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
