I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
