Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
