I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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