the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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