i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
