Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
