My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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