I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
