The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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