She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
