Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
