at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
