I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
