I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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