He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
