Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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