Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
