I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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