Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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