I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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