i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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