I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
