but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
