dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
