If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
