Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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