No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
