Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
