It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
