i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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