If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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