im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
