And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
