when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
