i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
