i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
