She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
