my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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