it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
