cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
