so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
