dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
