my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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