I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
